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The Creation of the False Self : Page 2 of 2

The Creation of the False Self

continued from page 1

We are Forever Children in our False Selves

If the caretaker has not learned to meet their own psychological needs the child will reach out of her core authentic center even more to try to get her needs met. This is how the degrees of the false self is born. The child will try to meet the parent's unmet needs in order to get love. We can often have the gnawing feeling as we walk through our life that we are false — that we are acting or performing our way through our lives to get love and approval.

As we grow older, we find the words and the elaborate stories for why we feel deficient and in pain — we create reasons for why we feel lacking and thus deserve to be separated from God/Mom/Love/Oneness. This mistaken false core belief drives our entire personality/false self throughout our lives until we can see it and dismantle it.

Every single human being on earth — saint, sinner, guru or street person — has a false core belief about themselves and an entire personality/false self system that is built on top of this feeling of lack, emptiness and fear. This is our paradoxical human journey. We are separated from God/The Greater Life/our Spiritual Selves and then we must go through our fear of emptiness into the silence to find our way back to the Truth of Life.

Even if you are beautifully creative you must ask yourself if you create to compensate for a feeling of lack, emptiness or fear inside when you create. We can have the most beautifully honed spiritual and creative personalities and still be falsely compensating in our creativity out of our core fears. We can live our lives trying to prove ourselves in avoidance of that original feeling of lack and separation. The strangest passage in moving towards the True Self is a learning to withstand the original feeling of emptiness and separation that it brings up. This is why many people do not ever travel the passage back to their True Selves. The fear of the silence brings up incessant reactions and defenses.

In my True Self — I have as spiritual writer Guy Finley so aptly puts it, "a spiritual intolerance of fear." It is not that I do not feel fear — I just do not act on it or indulge in it as much. I am learning to tremble and to trust.

In our judgment and separation we cultivate a nearly continuous sense of self with our fearful thoughts. We have to keep recreating our false self with constant thought processes but it is the often the only thing that makes us feel "real." It is in this continuous thought process of the false self that we try with all of our might to avoid and distract ourselves from the fiercer fears and the deeper enigmas of what life is calling us to.

The personality is the false self and it is in compensation for our deepest fears about ourselves. We are not who we think we are but we can go though our whole lives living solely in our false self — we can try forever to heal our core fears in a myriad of ways — through our creativity — though our roles in life — or through our obsessive perfectionism — to name a few. See if you can find false self in one or more of the fear based false self motivators below. Some examples common personality/false self systems (according to Stephen Wolinsky) are as follows:

False Core Driver False Self Compensator
I am imperfect. There must be something wrong with me. I need to prove there is not something wrong with me by being perfect.
I am worthless — I have no value. I must prove I am not worthless by proving I am worthy and by making a lot of money.
I am not able to do — I am incompetent. I need to prove I can do anything by achieving and over-doing.
I am inadequate. I need to prove I am not inadequate by proving adequacy.
I am non-existent. I do not exist. I need to prove my existence.
I am incomplete. I must be complete or be whole through experiences.
I am powerless. I must prove how powerful I am.
I am loveless. I need to prove I am not loveless by being extra lovable and loving.
I am alone. I need to try to connect at all times.

© 2011 Shelley Klammer. All rights reserved.

Shelley KlammerShelley Klammer is a Registered Professional Counselor and an Expressive Art Facilitator. More »

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