The Man Can't Help HimSELF
They always believe it when someone else tells
them.
So the last few issues of my SELF magazine have arrived
amidst begging letters of "Please renew for another two years,
and we'll send you this spiffy cosmetic bag thingy."
I go through stages of subscribing to things and then letting them
expire after some time because I tire of reading *adverzines* with
airbrushed ads and constant reminders that in every aspect of my
life, I could achieve more, weigh less, and have a perfect, balanced
life if I follow their "10 Surefire Tips to Happiness" list.
Meh. That's what they want you to believe, so you'll keep buying
their 'zines and stay on the perpetual treadmill of "I'm not
good enough-ism." Life's just too short to allow the media to
control us like this.
Besides, I've done plenty of personal work over the last few years
to see through the never-ending silliness, and accept that life is
different for everyone, we come in all shapes and sizes, and it's
okay not to have an airbrushed life that looks like it stepped out
between the covers of the latest Assfixional Today. What
a relief it is when you clearly realize that you don't have to subscribe
to any of it!
Oh, now to the point of this entry.
My leaving these femme magazines peppered throughout the house has
snagged the interest of the hublet. Oh, and not for the pictures,
either. (Although I'm sure they comprise the "A" and "D" in
A.I.D.A.)
He reads the articles. And then becomes an expert.
I find it amusing when he casually remarks, "There was a really
good article in SELF about how to deal with PMS. You should
read it." or "That article about running had some great
tips I'm going to try in my next workout." and my favorite, "Did
you know that some women have difficult childbirth's because their
birth canals are too narrow?"
His growing interest in SELF's articles (which he discreetly
reads in the privacy of our home) has me wondering how common this
phenomenon is. I mean, here's a man who will park himself in front
of the magazine rack in Cub foods paging through the latest issue
of Macho Men and the BIG Cars They Drive (while I'm snagging
a bunch of Romaine lettuce and a half pound of carrots in the produce
section), but wouldn't be caught dead enjoying the articles that
really interest him at home, in my magazines, in public. Do you think
the pink cover with the smiling swimsuit lady has something to do
with it?
No matter, I love the man with all of my heart. And to think, it
wasn't even me who had to encourage him to pick up my magazines and
read them. Plus, with his new enlightenment, we can merrily discuss
the reasons that I'm not balanced every day of the month — and
why it's important for me to get enough calcium for my bones. Perhaps
I can get him to take the "Do you know what women crave the
most?" quiz and ready him for my next bout of PMS bingeing.
On that note, I'm having second thoughts about letting the subscription
expire. I mean, two dollars a month might be worth all of the frustration
I have over trying to explain these things to him. Isn't it funny
though, that he'll readily accept these truths when they come from
someone else? Not from myself, but from mySELF. •
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SELF Magazine
A woman's "health" magazine featuring the latest exercise, eating,
health, and fashion trends.
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