Coming Out of a Creative Black Hole and Having Revelations

By Cherie Roe Dirksen

Yeah, the global energy of late has been intense. Making us all bunker down for some quiet time, and if not, forcing you to cease and desist.

Have you been lacking inspiration, creativity or get up and go? Well, I have.

These last few weeks since I returned from Egypt have been damn right frustrating. I’ve lost my pluck, mojo and anything else you want to call it.

I’ve picked up the paintbrushes and seem to be trying to repeat old patterns in creativity that just don’t work for me anymore.

“It could be realism, abstract, impressionism, or crapism…who knows? We’ll just have to wait and see.”

But this weekend I had a revelation…

Who The Hell Am I?

Yes, that old humdinger. What can I truly offer the world that is unique and not only that, stay completely in alignment with who I am?

Not easy and a question I am not alone in having to come up with an answer to — this seems to be the common thread or million dollar question among most people this year, if not this lifetime!

I Am…

I sat down to have some quiet time to reflect and saw a storyboard of everything I have done since I left school. I know that I am intrinsically an artist, musician and a writer and I have tried to merge the three on my website but something still hasn’t clicked into place. In a nutshell, it went like this:

The Younger Years — Left school and played bass in 2 rock bands. Last band (The Bends — you guessed it, we were all Radiohead fans…yeah yeah) recorded 2 albums and got some radio play. After the music scene cooled off and my weariness set in I up and left for the UK.

Travel Bug — In the UK I started painting again. Got back home, 3 years later, and started painting full-time.

Divine Revelations and Ants in my Pants — Started feeling ‘pushed’ to write my book ‘Divine You’ in 2010 and did so, focusing all my energy and attention into getting it published and promoting and blogging, etc.

Footnote — Here I am, having come full circle with all 3 of my major interests but I feel like I need to break free from the confines of every single one of them. I need to fuse them into a trinity of talents that will truly showcase the uniqueness of my being.

New Realizations:

I am a rock chick, a philosopher, a creative, a free spirit, a wanderer, a listener, an adventurer, a seeker, a trailblazer…so what am I trailblazing?

“I am more than the ceiling limit I have built over my head.”

I feel like at the moment I am trying to conform to the standards of any other self-empowerment writer (who just happens to paint and compose on the side). No, this is not working for me. I am more than the ceiling limit I have built over my head.

Major Refurbishing

I am going to be blowing through the ceiling.

My first adventure, that incorporates all 3 of my pursuits, will be to do a series of 10 paintings to my favourite bands or musicians from the dawn of my time here on Earth.

A little background: I love to turn on the stereo in the morning and blast out my favourite music much to my husbands annoyance. It just happens to usually be quite loud and obnoxious music for this time of the morning. However the upside is that this ensures that the car gets washed, or that the lawn is mown (husband seeking refuge outside of the domain).

“I want to be activated into action first thing in the morning — and this plus a cup of coffee seems to do the trick.”

There is nothing like a bit of Airbag by Radiohead to get the blood flowing after a long nights sleep or head-banging your way to the bathroom to get cleaned up to Hysteria by Muse. Who can’t be put into a good mood when you are listening to Queen’s 'I Want to Break Free'? Or even better, David Bowie belting out ‘Drive in Saturday’?

Yes, I know, I am a bit odd. This is probably not the best morning music soiree (I am told this is strictly night-time music) but I simply can’t wait for night-time to arrive, I want to be activated into action first thing in the morning — and this plus a cup of coffee seems to do the trick.

So Where is This Heading?
Get On With It, Girl!

Okay, okay…I love rock. Yes, oh yes. So I have selected 10 bands to do 10 painting to. I want to see what comes out whilst listening to their music. I hope this experiment will be a visual feast and have no preconceived ideas of how any of it will turn out. All I can guarantee is that I am going to have fun in the process and do whatever comes to me in the moment that I set aside to paint.

It could be realism, abstract, impressionism, or crapism…who knows? We’ll just have to wait and see.

Your Insights:

• What are you struggling with?
• Do you have yourself all sussed out or are you still in flux about who you really are?
• Do you think it is important to align yourself with your core essence or do you think that is just a bunch of crap?

© 2012 Cherie Roe Dirksen. All rights reserved.

Cherie is a self-empowerment author and multi-media artist from Cape Town. More »

9/16/12