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Nancy Mills : Elizabeth Forsythe Hailey Interview
Interview with Elizabeth Forsythe HaileySpirited Woman Q & ABy Nancy Mills I originally met Elizabeth Forsythe Hailey through my "Auntie Vera," my mothers' best friend of 73 years!
Vera owned a popular beauty retreat in LA, and Elizabeth ("Betsy") was a client, whom she thought I'd like
to meet. She said she wrote this book called
"A Woman of Independent Means Absolutely no need to be nervous. Betsy welcomed me as if I was a long lost friend. She was thrilled to
find out that I was a writer, and seemed to genuinely appreciate my enthusiasm for her work. She was just so
nice and gracious. An "ordinary" person with extraordinary talent. And that meeting actually did start a
friendship of two kindred spirits — particularly in our love of travel. Between the two of us, I think
we've been to over Now widowed, Betsy, age 67, was married to the famous playwright Oliver Hailey for decades. They had two
daughters, Kendall, a writer, and Brooke, a therapist. Not only were Betsy and Oliver partners in marriage
they worked as a writing team in film and television — most memorably on the classic TV soap opera
"Mary Hartman, It wasn't until Betsy was forty that "A Woman of Independent Means" was published, and it was at that
age, when mega-fame knocked on her door. Her novel was later turned into a successful TV mini-series
starring Sally Field and now tours as a one-woman play starring Barbara Rush. She went on to publish three
more successful books, and is now a new grandmother and a community activist. She says, "I missed the 60's
when I was in my 20's because I was too busy being a wife and mother, but now that I'm in my 60's, I'm
Betsy is an amazing woman, with an amazing talent. Her life truly has been a journey of endurance,
tenacity, and joy. In a rare interview, she is absolutely Q.
What is the basic message of a "A Woman of
A.
I think the message is that we all have within ourselves independent means. It refers to
much more than money. It refers to a sense of self and a sense of purpose and a
Q.
Why do you believe it became a bestseller and touched
A.
I was astonished at the reaction and continue to be, but I think it reminded people of
someone in their own family. My main character Bess — who was inspired by my grandmother Bess —
was not a historical heroine by any means, but I think there were so many unsung women who have stood up
for themselves and for their families, without any kind of publicity or fanfare, that it's very good to be
reminded of the role
Q.
What are you working on now? Please tell
A.
My long term goal and I refer to it in the 20th anniversary edition of "A Woman of
Independent Means" — the one I wrote a new foreword for back in 1998 — I said then and it's a
promise I intend to keep — I want to write my mother's story in letter form as a sequel using the
standing characters and inter-cutting her story with what we already know about Bess. I really couldn't do
it until my mother had died, and she died in 2002. I have 12 boxes sealed, still in my hallway that I
haven't unpacked with notebooks and memorabilia and I think now that I have a grandchild, I'm ready to
continue my own
Q.
You have two daughters — what was your basic philosophy in
A.
My two daughters were one of the reasons I wrote the book so that they would have a sense
of their Texas great grandmother and of their heritage. I wanted them to know that there were women in
their own family to emulate and to admire on their mother's side, because they knew their father's mother
who lived with us but they didn't know my side of the family so well and I have just always wanted them to
have a sense of who they are and to know that anything was possible for them. Now, they're struggling like
all women of the next generation with too many options. It's
Q.
Did your mother have a great
A.
I am very slow to appreciate my mother. Like a lot of daughters I didn't want anything
like the life my mother had. She had been a rebel in her time — she left college after two years and
gone to Europe to live and study in the thirties — when no one was doing it. But my grandmother put a
lot of pressure on her to come home and be the dutiful daughter. And she did. Married a very nice man, a
lawyer, but lived I think a subversive life. She's much more of a challenge to write about than my
grandmother. I didn't want to be an artist like my mother — kind of undercover. She started out to be
a painter, a sculptor — but didn't have a lot of confidence and didn't have a lot of encouragement, I
think either from her family or society. She lived the role of a housewife who took classes all her life
so she ended up being much better educated than most of her friends. She studied Dante and Shakespeare and
Faulkner to the end of her life. She died with her bookmark in the last volume of Proust's "Remembrances
of Things Past." Her artist life was very separate from her public life, as a lawyer's wife and mother. I
was always pained by that. I felt she should have been able to live fully who she was, but I appreciate
the effort it took to be true to those artistic yearnings and still be the dutiful wife. But I think the
split was hard — it took a
Q.
Is there any message you'd like to share with us from your
A.
Just the journey itself. It's always an adventure, a new adventure at every turn even
when it's difficult, a challenge. It never stops being an adventure. Sometimes it's more of a physical
adventure, sometimes it' more of an emotional or spiritual adventure. I feel I travel in different arenas
at different times of my life. I'm not going to be traveling as much for long periods of time — now
that I have this grandchild — that's an adventure, too. Someone once told me in college you can
travel vertically or you can travel horizontally, and I've done a lot of horizontal traveling in the last
decade since my husband died. Now it is time to do some
Q.
What do you feel is the greatest gift a writer can give
A.
That's very interesting. I think it's to live the fullest possible life — which is
what I feel when I'm writing. I've spent long periods of time not writing, but I think you're in touch
with your deepest thoughts and passions and you feel most whole. No one has to hire you to write your
Q.
What characteristic in you do you feel has most contributed to
A.
Patience and persistence.
Q.
Elizabeth, why do you feel you are a
A.
Spirit is what really counts beyond anything else. Spirit is adventure, intellectual
explanation, the excitement of things unseen. I feel that I try — it's always a bit of a struggle
— to look beyond the surface and see the inner-life of people and places and connect with the spirit
in other people because we're all truly alike
THANK YOU ELIZABETH. YOUR LIFE HAS BEEN AN © 2006 Nancy Mills
3/7/06 |
." I almost fainted. A huge bestseller when
it was published in 1978, the book had had an enormous influence on my life. So, when I met Betsy four years
ago, I was very nervous and I kept on saying, "You're an idol of mine. You're an 