"Jigsaw"
Emelisa Mudle
Acrylic on canvas
80 x 100 cm

Feelings: We all have them.

By Emelisa Mudle

Feelings are a beautiful part of who we are yet we spend so much time doing what we can to avoid them. As a child I was brought up to be quiet keep your mouth shut, crying is for babies, anger is just not happening and don't scream as children should be seen and not heard. Now did that have any affect on me? Yes of course it did. And for a very long time I lived my life in a non-feeling box.

Have you ever avoided tears, made excuses for crying in movies or maybe when you have felt anger you just say within you "nice girls don't get angry and anger is wrong?" Over and over again I meet so many people that live their lives in the intellect. Constantly searching outside themselves for their dreams and avoiding where their dreams actually come from "within."

Within you might say?

Do you think that what is happening for you has nothing to do with you? We are our thoughts — we are energy — we attract all that is in our lives. How many relationships have you gone through creating the same patterns? Maybe abuse? Maybe the old hot and cold dance of intimacy. I want you but as soon as you love me I will push you away. So if this keeps happening in your life, what is the message you are being told? Create, creation to create to manifest, so what it is you are manifesting and how can you change this?

There is a whole world within you awaiting your exploration — all you have to do is take that first step and break through the logical mind and boxes we have placed within us. Some call this sabotage but for me I feel it is just conscious patterning. How can we know a different way if you don't have the mirrors to see it. If a person has been brought up with no love and treated cruelly how can this person know love if it has never been shown to them. How then can we change these patterns? Well one key is to start to become aware, aware that there is more to us than meets the eye. Imagine your conscious and subconscious are like icebergs, when you look at an iceberg there is so little above the water and so much underneath. The conscious is showing us very little but the subconscious is where we store old tapes, old patterns, old hurts; and until we open that door and go within we will remain in the same habitual patterns.

Logic is great as long as it is balanced with the feelings and intuitiveness. So how many of us go through life thinking our way through everything? How many of you remain so busy that you do not allow a quiet moment to feel? To listen and hear what is really happening within you.

Hurt is way of saying, feel me and heal me. Embrace me and love me. Tears are beautiful and should be allowed to be released. After a good cry we tend to feel lighter and freer if we actually allow the tears, otherwise for some crying can make us feel tight and horrible and we never want to go there. We don't feel safe and we judge it to be wrong because it doesn't feel good. If we were not meant to feel we wouldn't have feelings. If we were not meant to cry we wouldn't have tear ducts. Courage and self responsibility isn't just about how great you are in a job and how many friend you have it is about being vulnerable enough to be real and say "I feel this" not "you make me feel this." I would much rather cry and feel now than let it manifest again in my body. Yes that is right — where do you think the feelings go if you don't feel them? Why do you think there is so much sickness, cancer, stress, and headaches. It isn't just the food, it is our feelings and thoughts manifesting in our bodies trying to tell us to slow down, stop, and feel.

Next time you are on a mission mode and running — stop, breath and ask yourself "how do I feel?" Balance is the key, lets hope you use this key to open up your doorway to feelings and love. •

© 2005 Emelisa Mudle

7/24/05