Shelley Klammer : The Creation of the False Self
The Creation of the False Self
By Shelley Klammer
Our Two Selves
These days I am becoming profoundly aware of when I am in my "false self" and when I am in my "true self." When I am in my true self which is my spiritual self my mind is quiet and I am following the "truth of the moment." I am not fearing for my own safety, survival, security or love. I am in a giving state and I am listening deeply to life. I am being guided as to where to participate in the larger life pattern. I am living in my truth.
Living in one's truth is rarely easy. We actually do not want to live in our truth as it requires that we go beyond our stories. It requires that we go beyond our comfortable ways of doing things. There is a certain comfort in sitting in our problems and judgments about life. There is a certain familiarity in choosing not to grow. We have a strong self in our problems. Listening inside for truth brings up the fear of emptiness the fear of not having a self. Most people feel that if they do not have thoughts they do not exist. It takes a while to make friends with the emptiness of silence.
Our Problems are the Architecture of our Personality
Our problems and discontents form our sense of self. The whole process of inner growth is learning how to let go of thoughts. All thoughts are concepts of limitation. For example one of my core values these days is unconditional love. As I delve more deeply into this state I realize that I need to let go of my ongoing habit of judging life. This leaves me quiet inside. I realize that continually evaluating things as good and bad gives my mind something to do and it perpetuates my familiar sense of self. Without my familiar judgments I feel empty at first like a non-self. It feels odd.
My higher self/my larger mind is ultimately silent. In that silence I am continually listening for inner guidance as to where to put my love, attention and energy in each moment. Sometimes I feel full and complete in the silence. Sometimes I feel hollow and in emotional pain. Sometimes I go for long stretches of time with no profound inner guidance coming through. At these times it feels like I am just meant to accept and experience life as it is. Most often my inner guidance comes when I am in between sleep and wakefulness. Higher words, phrases or imagery come to me right after sleeping before my habitual mind kicks into high gear. It is during these times of openness that I receive phrases and images that show me where I need to grow. Recently the word "impeccability" has been shining through my consciousness.
The Maturity of the True Self
I dream of houses that need cleaning piled up basements dishes that need to be done. Often in my creative fervor, I do not take care of the essentials. I let things slide. I leave the menial tasks for another day. I want every part of my life to feel inspiring and I ignore the mundane as not deep enough not interesting enough. I am having dreams that are showing me that I need to make more of an effort to take even the little things in my life "all the way to completion." This makes me feel uncomfortable. I often feel restless and bored with the mediocrity of life. I feel frustration with my lack of presence to the little things. It requires more of an effort to delve deeper and make the ordinary parts of life equal and just as important as the inspiring parts. It requires more maturity. It calls for a mature, attentive presence to every little thing nothing excluded.
The Creation of the False Self
When I am in my false self I am always in some form of separation, fear or judgment. I am not in a loving state. I am in my "me mind" in my survival psychology. I am trying to protect myself. I am trying to get "ahead." I am trying to defend my position. I am trying to win. The false self is forever frightened and contracted it is endlessly trying to get its needs met.
Psychologist Stephen Wolinsky has in my mind by far described the biological formation of the false self in the most coherent way of anyone I have studied. To put it in a nutshell when we are born we are one with God. The "biological shock" of separation occurs before we can have words or stories for it at the age of 5-12 months of age. The shock of separation happens when we find out that human beings are fallible. The moment that the mother turns her attention away and cannot meet the need of the infant it is then that the child instead turns towards the mother and begins to perform and act and mirror the mother to get love out of a fear of survival.