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Which parts of yourself do you often hide? How is that impacting your relationships? When you feel unclear about something, do you tend to avoid and hide? Or do you confront the issue head-on and nip that lack of clarity in the bud?

For Eliza, her most recent business partnership was starting to feel unclear and icky, and she knew that if she didn't at least send an email communicating her specific requests, the partnership would no longer be a viable one.

The part of herself that she often hid from others was what she labeled as her "pickiness." Her commitment to excellence in everything she does, which she had judged as being "picky," was holding her back from getting to the next level of her business.

Her inner dialogue about this "picky" part of herself kept her from having difficult conversations because she didn't want to be judged for her "pickiness," and therefore she struggled with communicating her preferences, boundaries, and values. Sound familiar?

Eliza and I discussed how she would write an email to her partner. (It's worth mentioning here that saying it out loud isn't just helpful for vocally communicating. Saying it out loud will help you communicate through any channel, including writing, in the most authentic way possible.)

I took Eliza through a three-step process that ultimately led to the most honest, direct, and clear email she had ever written. Use this process for yourself next time you need to communicate through email.

1. Say how you feel out loud, completely unfiltered. Use all the curse words; be as mean, angry, and annoyed as you want. Get it all out of you. Don't judge how you feel or how you're saying it. Raise your voice. Say exactly what you would say if there were no consequences. Do this in the privacy of your own space.
2. Say it out loud again. Be patient throughout this second step, because you may get frustrated and just want to get over it. Stop trying to get over it and start allowing thoughts and emotions to move through you. Acknowledge exactly how you feel. Repeat this step as many times as you must until you no longer feel an energetic charge or strong emotion.
3. Now, write your email from a calm, open, and grounded state of being. Read it out loud to yourself. Pay attention to how you feel as you read each word out loud. You may feel uncomfortable because this is your first time being clear, direct, and honest. Or maybe you will feel elated that you're finally expressing yourself! Whatever feelings you have, just notice them. Remember, just because you feel a certain way or something is new or uncomfortable doesn't mean you shouldn't follow through. Send that email.

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Eliza worked through this process with me and wrote an email that clearly expressed her feelings and her requests, something she never thought she could do. Her business partner replied, open to her suggestions and requests. And, for the record, Eliza's "pickiness" resulted in her product going from being sold at farmers' markets to being stocked in grocery stores across the state.

You get to choose how you relate to the hidden parts of yourself. You can call yourself a procrastinator, too much, too loud, quiet, shy, and whatever else you've been telling yourself that you are and shouldn't be. Or you can start to see those parts of you as your superpowers.

Being quiet is your superpower. You've become an excellent listener because of it. Being too much is your superpower. Your energy can instantly lift the vibe of any room you walk into. Being committed to excellence is your superpower. You have an eye for detail and accuracy. Being empathetic is your superpower. You feel deeply for others and can understand anyone's situation.

Don't let society, media, religion, family, and the thoughts in your head keep you from seeing yourself through the eyes of curiosity and acceptance. Take time to understand the parts of yourself that you've hidden and the impact that hiding those parts has had in every area of your life.

Don't let your hidden parts keep you from bringing your whole self to any situation. Before you communicate with others, whether in person, via email, or over the phone, say out loud how you feel to yourself. Get clear with yourself first. Seek understanding of yourself first and let go of the expectation that others will understand you. The things that you've been hiding are your superpowers.

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Next: Release Your Resistance

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©2023 by Vasavi Kumar. All rights reserved.

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Excerpted from the book Say It Out Loud: Using the Power of Your Voice to Listen to Your Deepest Thoughts and Courageously Pursue Your Dreams ©2023 by Vasavi Kumar. Printed with permission from NewWorldLibrary.com.

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